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| The worst picture I could find of myself at 230 pounds. |
A common misconception with weight loss is that the journey starts the day you decide to make a change. It's a misconception because it doesn't take into account the reasons that led you to be the weight that you are so unhappy with. If you don't address what is causing the problem, diet and exercise will only be a band aid for the issue. It will only fix it symptomatically and everyone knows that leads to even bigger problems. With that in mind, I will begin to tell you about my story.
At age seven, I was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. When people hear that someone has TS, they immediately think "Oh, that's that swearing thing." Well, that is true, but there are a few different types of TS, and that kind only affects about 2% of the TS population. My manifestations were always with muscle movements that we like to call "tics" and vocal tics that are more like repetitive noise making (NOT swearing). With the help of my family and peers, it didn't take long to realize that I was different and that it was pretty annoying. The ridicule led me to question what I knew about God and why He would allow me to have something like this.
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| Junior Year. |
By age ten, my body was in pain. My neck and shoulders ached from the constant uncontrollable muscle movements that just seemed to slip out. The more I became aware of it, the worse it would get. The more people would comment on it, the more sad I would become because I couldn't help it. Somewhere during this time, I realized how easy it was to make myself feel better with food, so I would eat. Chips, ice cream, Cheese Its, chocolate, anything I could get my hands on because in my mind, I was always hungry. I was ten and couldn't make the distinction that I was hungry to fit in, not psychically hungry.
Because I was a kid, the amount I ate every day didn't really start to affect me until my teen years because I was really active. I played sports and was involved in a lot. Over the summer between my 6th and 7th grade year, my body changed into a woman's shape which was earlier than most of my peers. While most of the girls in my grade were just barely out of training bras I was shopping for a C-Cup in the women's department. This led to more tormenting because people make fun of what they don't understand and what they are jealous of. I hated the fact that I was a size 8 in 7th grade while all my friends were still between a 2-4. We all hated the fact that I had a chest but for different reasons; me because I was ostracized and them because they wanted the attention I got. I HATED IT! I wanted a boyish body so I could be like everyone else.
My mom always told me that some day I would appreciate the body that God gave me. That it was designed especially for the husband He had picked out for me and that he would be a "Honey". I wish I would have
believed her back in seventh grade before I began years of tearing my self down part by part and cell by cell.
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| Most people say I wore 230 pounds well and that they couldn't tell, but I definitely could! |
High school was especially hard. I made the decision to be home schooled/ cyber schooled so I didn't have to deal with being made fun of on a daily basis. I always tell people that it was because I liked to work during the day babysitting, but if I were to be honest that was a beneficial result of my being so self-conscious that I would cry at the thought of even setting foot inside Peters Township High School.
I played softball and volleyball and that was pretty much what kept me active, but it slowed down as I got older and lazier and my interests changed from running around in the yard to reading and crafting. My senior year, I was able to eat a foot-long from Subway all in one sitting and could eat a brick of cheese in a day. I landed my dream job working in a photography studio in Canonsburg about half way through my senior year and loved it until my boss started projecting her own weight insecurities on me by commenting on what I would eat and how my outfit choices made me look heavy - an aesthetic she didn't want for her studio. Finally one day, I had enough and decided to quit. Right about that same time a person that was very dear to me say some really hurtful things about my weight that ignited a spark in me to make a change. It was the "I'll show you!" Spark. Regardless, it made me wake up and realize that being 230 pounds at 18 was ridiculous.
The first thing I did to lose weight was eliminating ALL dairy products. Cheese, ice cream, yogurt, sour cream, milk. GONE. Over a month and a half I dropped 30 pounds with out exercise. I plateaued and realized I needed to lose more in order to get under the 200 pound mark. If you have ever weighed over 200 pounds, you know the excitement that comes when you hit 199 on the scale. I rejoiced privately though, because I was so embarrassed about having been over 200 pounds in the first place.
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| After so much hard work, I finally got to where I wanted to be but it was hard to keep up with such ridiculous habits. |
The next 40 pounds came off with exercise - obsessive exercise 2 times per day 6 days per week. I biked a lot and bough SELF Magazine after SELF Magazine, did countless OnDemand exercise videos, walked with friends, swam, hiked, anything that burned calories. During this time is when I discovered my love for Zumba and would go 3 nights per week to various classes.
After I got the hang of what I was doing, I would create my own exercise routines and Zumba choreography which helped me to lose the last few healthy pounds I wanted to get off. Two summers ago I was in the best shape of my life.
My goal weight was 145 pounds. It was the lowest weight in the BMI index for my height and I was on a mission to get there no matter the cost to my body. I really regret being so reckless with it now, because it has caused a variety of heath issues I am still working on. Even though I got down to 155 unhealthily, when I finally got help for my problems, I gained back ten pounds and am usually settled around 165 now.
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| This is me now, on the right. I'm happy with who I am and how my body looks. I still workout almost daily, but I'm so much healthier now and I've gained so much self-confidence. |
On this side of of my transformation, I can say that I am genuinely a lot happier than I used to be and I know it shows. So many of my friends have witnessed the results of my hard work and have chosen to make a change for themselves! I love it when people ask me to help them lose weight because it allows me to share my testimony with them of how I changed physically and how the physical change helped me spiritually. It might sound crazy, but on those nights when I really didn't want to work out, I asked God for the strength to get through it to be the best I can be for His kingdom.
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| This guy is my motivation to stay healthy! He is so good to me when he knows I'm starting to feel down on myself again. I thank the Lord for him every day. |
I know exactly what I am supposed to do with my life now, and it is to help people make the change that I made so that no one has to feel the pain that I felt when I was younger. Being bullied by people who are supposed to be your friends and even some family members is scarring, and if there is something I can do to help put an end to it, I will and that is what I am dedicating my life to... helping others see themselves how God sees them - as beautiful creatures. I am getting my Zumba Instructor Certification next Friday and want to eventually finish my degree in health and physical fitness so I can help women lose weight, get healthy mentally and spiritually and begin to love themselves how the Lord loves them.
On your own, it's really hard, but together and with the power of the Lord we can do it! My hope for the future of this blog is serve as an inspiration for your personal goals for spiritual and physical fitness. I hope that we can be an encouragement to each other through the process so if you have something to say, I would LOVE to hear it!
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