As young Christian women living in the world today, knowing how to go about relationships in a modern yet Christian way can be very difficult. How do you find a balance that isn't too "old fashioned" but incorporates all of the wholesome and traditional elements of finding your sole mate? How do you act around the man you think you want to marry? How can you show your care and affection for him without compromising your values sexually? I know from experience this can be hard - and your parents are right when they say it gets harder to abstain when you know that you have found the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. However, with the power of prayer, accountability, and a very transparent relationship with Christian adults you can trust (in my case with Josh, it's my parents that we look to for help) it is NOT IMPOSSIBLE to be intimate with your significant other without sex like the world says it is.
Naturally, everyone's comfort-ability level with physical intimacy in their relationships are a little different, and it is up to you and your man to set those boundaries from the beginning. I personally am only okay with going as far as sharing kisses with my darling, but I definitely understand that some people don't even want to go that far and it's totally alright! I just wanted to preface my post, so my readers will know where I am coming from when sharing how I choose to care for Josh in our relationship. My prayer for you no matter how old you are is that you will be blessed and inspired to care for the man in your life to show you love him with out compromising your purity.
PRAY FOR HIM!
I can't stress this enough. it should be bold, underlined and italicized 100 times. When you are looking for a Christian man, it is imperative that you pray for him. I have personal testimonies about this from both my current and previous boyfriends. God is ALWAYS faithful to answer your prayers when you keep Him at the center of your relationship. Whether its giving you guidance on your decision to get married or break up, the Lord never fails to give you peace of mind about your decision as long as it is His will. It keeps peace in your relationship. The Lord was able to show me with a previous boyfriend that it was time to move on, and with my current boyfriend, Josh, that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
It's hard to think that your Superman who is so amazing and lovely to you could have flaws; in love we can all have the tendency to be enamored and caught up in those fluttery gushey feelings. I'm sorry to be a killjoy, but at one point or another, you will realize that he is great and awesome, but definitely has his flaws. When you choose to pray for him and bring what bothers you to his attention kindly, you'll find that it goes MUCH farther than picking him apart constantly. Which brings me to my next point.
BUILD HIM UP CONSTANTLY
It's easy to brag on your man to your girlfriends, but how often do you tell him that he's great? Yes, they want to hear how much you love them, but they also need to hear specifics of what you love about them and how they treat you. In the same way that it is important to tell him if something he is doing is bothering you, you need to positively reinforce what he is doing that is good! Even if it's something like, "I really love it when you hold the door open for me," he will appreciate that his efforts to treat you like a lady are being recognized. It's well known that women like to be complimented on their physical appearance, but did you know that men like to hear when they look nice also? If you like it when your man wears a certain color or shirt, TELL HIM! He may be tough and manly, but inside he needs that boost of confidence to know that you find him attractive and that the choices he is making are on the right track.
LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HIM
Part of the "old fashioned" element of my dating ideals is that the woman should be pursued by the man. As a Godly woman I should be sought after by a Godly man, not vice versa. However, once your man has done the chasing and you are dating, it is not only okay but it is GREAT for you to take initiative in some things. This is something that Josh definitely taught me after a few months of dating. I still like the fact that he is the one who mostly takes initiative in our relationship, but he needs to feel appreciated for doing so. I like to plan surprises like getting tickets to a game or concert I know he would like, offering to occasionally pay for dinner or our date to the movies, our even by planning a surprise date day where we do a bunch of cool things but he gets to relax and doesn't have to drive or pay. Other small ways you can show you care are by sending him the first text in the morning rather than waiting for him to text you, telling him randomly throughout the day that you are thinking about him or a specific thing you did together, and by boosting him up to friends so when they meet, they can say, "Hey, I've heard a lot of great things about you!"
BE THERE FOR HIM
Like I said before, even guys who are tough and manly need an emotional release sometimes. Most won't just come right out and let you know when something is bothering them so it may take some gentle questions to crack your man's tough-guy seal. Try something simple like "Hey, are you okay? You've been acing a little ____ lately and you usually do that when something is on your mind. I'm here for you if you want to talk about it." He may or may not take to it, but knowing when to ask the right questions goes a long way. When he feels like you are safe to share with, he will open up - and when he does, you HAVE to keep it under wraps. The last thing he wants is for you to run to your girlfriends and tell them all about his personal business. Be his shoulder to cry on and his go-to person to laugh with.
The other thing about guys is that they're kind of big babies when they get a cold. If you offer to bring over soup and a movie and just snuggle and relax, chances are he will probably love it. Josh has Chron's Disease, which is a chronic intestinal issue. When he is having a flare up, I know he needs rest, Gluten Free pretzels, and a lemon-lime Gatorade. Usually I'll stop by Redbox and get a movie we've been wanting to see and take it over to watch with him. Little things like that are the things that help you bond and will show him that you really do care about his well-being.
This is just the first part of the post on how to care for your man when you aren't married. Check back soon for the second post!
Naturally, everyone's comfort-ability level with physical intimacy in their relationships are a little different, and it is up to you and your man to set those boundaries from the beginning. I personally am only okay with going as far as sharing kisses with my darling, but I definitely understand that some people don't even want to go that far and it's totally alright! I just wanted to preface my post, so my readers will know where I am coming from when sharing how I choose to care for Josh in our relationship. My prayer for you no matter how old you are is that you will be blessed and inspired to care for the man in your life to show you love him with out compromising your purity.
PRAY FOR HIM!
I can't stress this enough. it should be bold, underlined and italicized 100 times. When you are looking for a Christian man, it is imperative that you pray for him. I have personal testimonies about this from both my current and previous boyfriends. God is ALWAYS faithful to answer your prayers when you keep Him at the center of your relationship. Whether its giving you guidance on your decision to get married or break up, the Lord never fails to give you peace of mind about your decision as long as it is His will. It keeps peace in your relationship. The Lord was able to show me with a previous boyfriend that it was time to move on, and with my current boyfriend, Josh, that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.
It's hard to think that your Superman who is so amazing and lovely to you could have flaws; in love we can all have the tendency to be enamored and caught up in those fluttery gushey feelings. I'm sorry to be a killjoy, but at one point or another, you will realize that he is great and awesome, but definitely has his flaws. When you choose to pray for him and bring what bothers you to his attention kindly, you'll find that it goes MUCH farther than picking him apart constantly. Which brings me to my next point.
BUILD HIM UP CONSTANTLY
It's easy to brag on your man to your girlfriends, but how often do you tell him that he's great? Yes, they want to hear how much you love them, but they also need to hear specifics of what you love about them and how they treat you. In the same way that it is important to tell him if something he is doing is bothering you, you need to positively reinforce what he is doing that is good! Even if it's something like, "I really love it when you hold the door open for me," he will appreciate that his efforts to treat you like a lady are being recognized. It's well known that women like to be complimented on their physical appearance, but did you know that men like to hear when they look nice also? If you like it when your man wears a certain color or shirt, TELL HIM! He may be tough and manly, but inside he needs that boost of confidence to know that you find him attractive and that the choices he is making are on the right track.
LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HIM
Part of the "old fashioned" element of my dating ideals is that the woman should be pursued by the man. As a Godly woman I should be sought after by a Godly man, not vice versa. However, once your man has done the chasing and you are dating, it is not only okay but it is GREAT for you to take initiative in some things. This is something that Josh definitely taught me after a few months of dating. I still like the fact that he is the one who mostly takes initiative in our relationship, but he needs to feel appreciated for doing so. I like to plan surprises like getting tickets to a game or concert I know he would like, offering to occasionally pay for dinner or our date to the movies, our even by planning a surprise date day where we do a bunch of cool things but he gets to relax and doesn't have to drive or pay. Other small ways you can show you care are by sending him the first text in the morning rather than waiting for him to text you, telling him randomly throughout the day that you are thinking about him or a specific thing you did together, and by boosting him up to friends so when they meet, they can say, "Hey, I've heard a lot of great things about you!"
BE THERE FOR HIM
Like I said before, even guys who are tough and manly need an emotional release sometimes. Most won't just come right out and let you know when something is bothering them so it may take some gentle questions to crack your man's tough-guy seal. Try something simple like "Hey, are you okay? You've been acing a little ____ lately and you usually do that when something is on your mind. I'm here for you if you want to talk about it." He may or may not take to it, but knowing when to ask the right questions goes a long way. When he feels like you are safe to share with, he will open up - and when he does, you HAVE to keep it under wraps. The last thing he wants is for you to run to your girlfriends and tell them all about his personal business. Be his shoulder to cry on and his go-to person to laugh with.
The other thing about guys is that they're kind of big babies when they get a cold. If you offer to bring over soup and a movie and just snuggle and relax, chances are he will probably love it. Josh has Chron's Disease, which is a chronic intestinal issue. When he is having a flare up, I know he needs rest, Gluten Free pretzels, and a lemon-lime Gatorade. Usually I'll stop by Redbox and get a movie we've been wanting to see and take it over to watch with him. Little things like that are the things that help you bond and will show him that you really do care about his well-being.
This is just the first part of the post on how to care for your man when you aren't married. Check back soon for the second post!
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