{Boyfriends} How to Show Your Affection When You Aren't Married - Part One

As young Christian women living in the world today, knowing how to go about relationships in a modern yet Christian way can be very difficult. How do you find a balance that isn't too "old fashioned" but incorporates all of the wholesome and traditional elements of finding your sole mate? How do you act around the man you think you want to marry?  How can you show your care and affection for him without compromising your values sexually?  I know from experience this can be hard - and your parents are right when they say it gets harder to abstain when you know that you have found the guy you want to spend the rest of your life with. However, with the power of prayer, accountability, and a very transparent relationship with Christian adults you can trust (in my case with Josh, it's my parents that we look to for help) it is NOT IMPOSSIBLE to be intimate with your significant other without sex like the world says it is.

Naturally, everyone's comfort-ability level with physical intimacy in their relationships are a little different, and it is up to you and your man to set those boundaries from the beginning. I personally am only okay with going as far as sharing kisses with my darling, but I definitely understand that some people don't even want to go that far and it's totally alright!  I just wanted to preface my post, so my readers will know where I am coming from when sharing how I choose to care for Josh in our relationship. My prayer for you no matter how old you are is that you will be blessed and inspired to care for the man in your life to show you love him with out compromising your purity.

PRAY FOR HIM!

I can't stress this enough. it should be bold, underlined and italicized 100 times. When you are looking for a Christian man, it is imperative that you pray for him. I have personal testimonies about this from both my current and previous boyfriends. God is ALWAYS faithful to answer your prayers when you keep Him at the center of your relationship. Whether its giving you guidance on your decision to get married or break up, the Lord never fails to give you peace of mind about your decision as long as it is His will. It keeps peace in your relationship. The Lord was able to show me with a previous boyfriend that it was time to move on, and with my current boyfriend, Josh, that he is the best thing that has ever happened to me.

It's hard to think that your Superman who is so amazing and lovely to you could have flaws; in love we can all have the tendency to be enamored and caught up in those fluttery gushey feelings. I'm sorry to be a killjoy, but at one point or another, you will realize that he is great and awesome, but definitely has his flaws.  When you choose to pray for him and bring what bothers you to his attention kindly, you'll find that it goes MUCH farther than picking him apart constantly. Which brings me to my next point.

BUILD HIM UP CONSTANTLY 

It's easy to brag on your man to your girlfriends, but how often do you tell him that he's great? Yes, they want to hear how much you love them, but they also need to hear specifics of what you love about them and how they treat you. In the same way that it is important to tell him if something he is doing is bothering you, you need to positively reinforce what he is doing that is good!  Even if it's something like, "I really love it when you hold the door open for me," he will appreciate that his efforts to treat you like a lady are being recognized. It's well known that women like to be complimented on their physical appearance, but did you know that men like to hear when they look nice also?  If you like it when your man wears a certain color or shirt, TELL HIM!  He may be tough and manly, but inside he needs that boost of confidence to know that you find him attractive and that the choices he is making are on the right track.

LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE THINKING ABOUT HIM

Part of the "old fashioned" element of my dating ideals is that the woman should be pursued by the man. As a Godly woman I should be sought after by a Godly man, not vice versa. However, once your man has done the chasing and you are dating, it is not only okay but it is GREAT for you to take initiative in some things. This is something that Josh definitely taught me after a few months of dating. I still like the fact that he is the one who mostly takes initiative in our relationship, but he needs to feel appreciated for doing so. I like to plan surprises like getting tickets to a game or concert I know he would like, offering to occasionally pay for dinner or our date to the movies, our even by planning a surprise date day where we do a bunch of cool things but he gets to relax and doesn't have to drive or pay. Other small ways you can show you care are by sending him the first text in the morning rather than waiting for him to text you, telling him randomly throughout the day that you are thinking about him or a specific thing you did together, and by boosting him up to friends so when they meet, they can say, "Hey, I've heard a lot of great things about you!"

BE THERE FOR HIM

Like I said before, even guys who are tough and manly need an emotional release sometimes. Most won't just come right out and let you know when something is bothering them so it may take some gentle questions to crack your man's tough-guy seal. Try something simple like "Hey, are you okay?  You've been acing a little ____ lately and you usually do that when something is on your mind. I'm here for you if you want to talk about it."  He may or may not take to it, but knowing when to ask the right questions goes a long way. When he feels like you are safe to share with, he will open up - and when he does, you HAVE to keep it under wraps. The last thing he wants is for you to run to your girlfriends and tell them all about his personal business. Be his shoulder to cry on and his go-to person to laugh with.

The other thing about guys is that they're kind of big babies when they get a cold. If you offer to bring over soup and a movie and just snuggle and relax, chances are he will probably love it. Josh has Chron's Disease, which is a chronic intestinal issue. When he is having a flare up, I know he needs rest, Gluten Free pretzels, and a lemon-lime Gatorade. Usually I'll stop by Redbox and get a movie we've been wanting to see and take it over to watch with him. Little things like that are the things that help you bond and will show him that you really do care about his well-being.


This is just the first part of the post on how to care for your man when you aren't married. Check back soon for the second post!

How to Start Your Fitness Journey in 7 Steps

If you are feeling inspired to start your journey to good health but are unsure of where to start, look no further!  I will be posting tips, thoughts, inspiration, and work-outs (physical and spiritual!) to help get you started. Keep checking back for updates or just click the follow button to make it easier on yourself!  

Set a Goal 

Whether you want to tone up for your class reunion or lose 100 pounds, its important to set realistic goals. First start by coming up with your overall goal, then break it down into smaller goals. So let's say you want to lose 25 pounds and you'd like to tackle those pesky flapping under arms, first start by setting a date you want to accomplish your goal. For 25 pounds, 2 months is realistic. Pick a special date (a cousin's wedding, vacation, ect.) and get started. Having a date in mind will help you to envision how great you will feel at the event and will help you stay motivated to eat right and work out when you have allotted time to do so.

Side note - if you aren't sure what your goal should be, just talk to your doctor. It's a good idea to do that before getting started anyway in order to avoid injuries.

Make a Plan

A goal is great, but you have to have a plan of attack in order to make it to your goal!  Looking ahead at your overall goal can be really disheartening, so break it down into smaller goals and have a mini-celebration every time you hit a milestone along your path toward your big goal. When I was starting out, I eliminated all dairy products from my diet... this was hard because I LOVE ice cream and cheese. I hated exercise but knew it was necessary in order to get to my goal, so every Sunday - as long as I had exercised for at least 45 minutes three times that week, I would reward myself with a little bit of ice cream to help me stay motivated. 

Mix Up Your Workouts and Your Music

In order to stay motivated to work out, mix up what you do and what you're listening to while doing it. I started by walking and biking then graduated into going to Zumba with girlfriends and doing cardio/toning DVDs. Have a playlist ready on your iPod for your different routines so you can look forward to and get motivated for each different workout when it's turn comes up. It helps it not get monotonous.  

Get a Friend to Do it With You

Losing weight and getting in shape CAN be done on your own, but it is so much more enjoyable and fun when you have a friend to join you in success!  This helps especially when you don't like exercise to begin with. Going for a walk/jog with a friend is more like hanging out and provides a distraction for the fact that you are pouring sweat and burning fat. 

Sooner or later, you'll be able to go it alone, but in the beginning, it's helpful to have that other person to lean on, complain about how badly your back hurts with, and also to share recipes for yummy, healthy snacks that you love. 

Pour Your Heart into It

With weight loss and getting into shape, you have to give it 100% effort. Pour your heart and soul into your work out. You are only cheating YOURSELF and YOUR results by giving half effort. You want to get to your goal and you want to be PROUD of the hard work you put in to get there. Over time, I have grown to love my workout time because its the time of day that I get to release all anger and anxiety from the day and take it out on my body in a healthy way. Some people go to the bar, I work out - it's healthier AND it's cheaper :)

Take Pictures!

When I first got started with my journey, I needed to lose 80 pounds. I took my first journey picture and was absolutely disgusted with myself and how out of control I let myself get. This picture not only served as a wake up call, but it has helped me to be able to see where I came from and keeps me motivated to NEVER GO BACK!  You may hate it, no one has to see it, it can even be a cell phone picture, but just take it!  And take one every time you feel like you are having a good day with your journey so you can scroll back through your phone to get inspired by yourself. This is a journey to fitness and to seeing yourself how God sees you; God thinks you are BEAUTIFUL!  The pictures are just there as a visual representation of the work you're putting in to make your outsides match your insides. 

Pray

As God daily for strength to over come Satan along your journey. That piece of chocolate cake sitting on your counter is temptation to stray you off your path to becoming the best YOU can be for God. Pray for diligence, physical ability, and for God to bless your efforts to get healthy so you can serve His kingdom better. When you keep God at the center of your goals, He will bless it, friends!  I am a living testimony to that!  You can do it with help from God and the people who love you. 

I'm praying for you!

Becoming Fit: Inspiration for Finding the Best You!

The worst picture I could find of myself
at 230 pounds. 

Many of my readers are friends who follow me on Facebook and know my weight loss testimony. However, I am aware that many of my readers may not know me in person, so I want to take this opportunity to share my journey and my hope for the inspirational future of this blog. 

A common misconception with weight loss is that the journey starts the day you decide to make a change. It's a misconception because it doesn't take into account the reasons that led you to be the weight that you are so unhappy with. If you don't address what is causing the problem, diet and exercise will only be a band aid for the issue. It will only fix it symptomatically and everyone knows that leads to even bigger problems. With that in mind, I will begin to tell you about my story. 

At age seven, I was diagnosed with Tourette's Syndrome. When people hear that someone has TS, they immediately think "Oh, that's that swearing thing."  Well, that is true, but there are a few different types of TS, and that kind only affects about 2% of the TS population. My manifestations were always with muscle movements that we like to call "tics" and vocal tics that are more like repetitive noise making (NOT swearing). With the help of my family and peers, it didn't take long to realize that I was different and that it was pretty annoying. The ridicule led me to question what I knew about God and why He would allow me to have something like this.

Junior Year.

By age ten, my body was in pain. My neck and shoulders ached from the constant uncontrollable muscle movements that just seemed to slip out. The more I became aware of it, the worse it would get. The more people would comment on it, the more sad I would become because I couldn't help it. Somewhere during this time, I realized how easy it was to make myself feel better with food, so I would eat. Chips, ice cream, Cheese Its, chocolate, anything I could get my hands on because in my mind, I was always hungry. I was ten and couldn't make the distinction that I was hungry to fit in, not psychically hungry. 

Because I was a kid, the amount I ate every day didn't really start to affect me until my teen years because I was really active. I played sports and was involved in a lot. Over the summer between my 6th and 7th grade year, my body changed into a woman's shape which was earlier than most of my peers. While most of the girls in my grade were just barely out of training bras I was shopping for a C-Cup in the women's department. This led to more tormenting because people make fun of what they don't understand and what they are jealous of. I hated the fact that I was a size 8 in 7th grade while all my friends were still between a 2-4. We all hated the fact that I had a chest but for different reasons; me because I was ostracized and them because they wanted the attention I got. I HATED IT!  I wanted a boyish body so I could be like everyone else. 

My mom always told me that some day I would appreciate the body that God gave me. That it was designed especially for the husband He had picked out for me and that he would be a "Honey". I wish I would have

Most people say I wore 230 pounds well and
that they couldn't tell, but I definitely could!

believed her back in seventh grade before I began years of tearing my self down part by part and cell by cell. 

High school was especially hard. I made the decision to be home schooled/ cyber schooled so I didn't have to deal with being made fun of on a daily basis. I always tell people that it was because I liked to work during the day babysitting, but if I were to be honest that was a beneficial result of my being so self-conscious that I would cry at the thought of even setting foot inside Peters Township High School. 

I played softball and volleyball and that was pretty much what kept me active, but it slowed down as I got older and lazier and my interests changed from running around in the yard to reading and crafting. My senior year, I was able to eat a foot-long from Subway all in one sitting and could eat a brick of cheese in a day. I landed my dream job working in a photography studio in Canonsburg about half way through my senior year and loved it until my boss started projecting her own weight insecurities on me by commenting on what I would eat and how my outfit choices made me look heavy - an aesthetic she didn't want for her studio. Finally one day, I had enough and decided to quit. Right about that same time a person that was very dear to me say some really hurtful things about my weight that ignited a spark in me to make a change. It was the "I'll show you!" Spark. Regardless, it made me wake up and realize that being 230 pounds at 18 was ridiculous. 

The first thing I did to lose weight was eliminating ALL dairy products. Cheese, ice cream, yogurt, sour cream, milk. GONE. Over a month and a half I dropped 30 pounds with out exercise. I plateaued and realized I needed to lose more in order to get under the 200 pound mark. If you have ever weighed over 200 pounds, you know the excitement that comes when you hit 199 on the scale. I rejoiced privately though, because I was so embarrassed about having been over 200 pounds in the first place.

After so much hard work, I finally got to where I wanted to be
but it was hard to keep up with such ridiculous habits.

The next 40 pounds came off with exercise - obsessive exercise 2 times per day 6 days per week. I biked a lot and bough SELF Magazine after SELF Magazine, did countless OnDemand exercise videos, walked with friends, swam, hiked, anything that burned calories. During this time is when I discovered my love for Zumba and would go 3 nights per week to various classes.

After I got the hang of what I was doing, I would create my own exercise routines and Zumba choreography which helped me to lose the last few healthy pounds I wanted to get off. Two summers ago I was in the best shape of my life. 

My goal weight was 145 pounds. It was the lowest weight in the BMI index for my height and I was on a mission to get there no matter the cost to my body. I really regret being so reckless with it now, because it has caused a variety of heath issues I am still working on. Even though I got down to 155 unhealthily, when I finally got help for my problems, I gained back ten pounds and am usually settled around 165 now. 

This is me now, on the right. I'm happy with who I am and how
my body looks. I still workout almost daily, but I'm so much
healthier now and I've gained so much self-confidence. 

I realized that 16 of that 165 pounds is chest and it makes me feel a lot better about accepting my body because I know that I was intended to be this weight. There is nothing else I could possibly do that would get me to 145 pounds and I have embraced it. I found a man who adores my curves and thinks I am the most beautiful thing in the world. 

On this side of of my transformation, I can say that I am genuinely a lot happier than I used to be and I know it shows. So many of my friends have witnessed the results of my hard work and have chosen to make a change for themselves!  I love it when people ask me to help them lose weight because it allows me to share my testimony with them of how I changed physically and how the physical change helped me spiritually. It might sound crazy, but on those nights when I really didn't want to work out, I asked God for the strength to get through it to be the best I can be for His kingdom. 

This guy is my motivation to stay healthy!
He is so good to me when he knows I'm
starting to feel down on myself again. I thank
the Lord for him every day. 

I know exactly what I am supposed to do with my life now, and it is to help people make the change that I made so that no one has to feel the pain that I felt when I was younger. Being bullied by people who are supposed to be your friends and even some family members is scarring, and if there is something I can do to help put an end to it, I will and that is what I am dedicating my life to... helping others see themselves how God sees them - as beautiful creatures. I am getting my Zumba Instructor Certification next Friday and want to eventually finish my degree in health and physical fitness so I can help women lose weight, get healthy mentally and spiritually and begin to love themselves how the Lord loves them.

On your own, it's really hard, but together and with the power of the Lord we can do it!  My hope for the future of this blog is serve as an inspiration for your personal goals for spiritual and physical fitness. I hope that we can be an encouragement to each other through the process so if you have something to say, I would LOVE to hear it!    

Two is Better Than One

My Aunt Peggy and Uncle Frank have been together for 40 years as of last year. They got married in a decade where interracial couples were looked down upon in society. Only two others came to their wedding, and most gave them less than a year before they got divorced, but here they are 40 years later re-upping and renewing their vows with even more love for each other than when they initially got married. 

If you have ever been in a relationship, be it romantic or platonic, you know that they all have their up's and down's. It can sometimes be hard to see why you are involved with the person and it's often tempting to cut and run. However, God warns us about doing this... it's hard to recover from a fall when you've pushed away everyone who can lift you up!

Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 

-Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 

This has become abundantly clear to me in my relationship with my boyfriend but it can apply to any relationship you are currently in. It's hard in today's day and age to stick around long enough to fix something that's broken. Why do you think the divorce rate in America is 55%?  That is an abomination, friends!  We should be severely embarrassed that our generation is so inwardly focused and selfish that they can't stop long enough to help pick their friends (or significant others) up, dust them off, and get them back on track. Just because it is hard does not mean we shouldn't try.  

It is especially difficult when depression is involved. Depression has this evil way of sneaking in to your life and getting tangled up in every part. I can speak about this from experience from both the depressed side and the friend/significant other of people who are frequently battling with depression. It is ABSOLUTELY a real issue and it's ABSOLUTELY from Satan. Those who are depressed tend to be cranky, sad, and often times will push away their close friends without realizing it. It's easy to say, "Psht! Fine, whatever. I don't need to deal with this." But that's not what God calls us to as friends!  He says in Proverbs that a friend loves at all times and that iron sharpens iron. What better way to sharpen each other in a relationship than showing that you are going to stick around and put in the work even when the going gets rough?  That is how we can use our relationships to be a testimony to God's good work in our lives because without Christ being involved, we would have no reason or conviction to stay and make it work.

I am a firm believer that everything in life happens for a reason. You are brought together with friends, even if just for a season, to be seasoning in each others lives. Whether you are the motivator or the motivated, the depressed or the one pulling your friends up out of the mud, you are there for a reason!  You add something to life that is uniquely yours. You have been given gifts that you can use to show God's love, majesty, and omnipotence. 

Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins. Show hospitality to one another without grumbling. As each has received a gift, use it to serve one another, as good stewards of God's varied grace.

-1 Peter 4:8-10

I implore you to prayerfully stay in your relationships when it gets hard. God sees your heart and effort and will bless your dedication in His timing.

{Spiritual Fitness} Grown Up Temper Tantrums

We've all been there. A situation where you can go from happy to raging in a matter of seconds. Kids do it all the time. They flop down on the ground and start kicking and screaming. Imagine that being you the next time you start a hormone rage. 

I can't articulate what makes me upset any more because the lines are no longer clearly defined. I burst out in tears when my boyfriend kisses me because I'm so stressed out about everything. I feel like regardless of time, day, situation, location, I'm a time bomb about to explode at the drop of a hat. 

We as women tend to have hormones that run rampant in our lives. Maybe yours are under control and they don't fluctuate as much as others... If that's the case, you've been incredibly blessed!! For others of us, it's hard to not let our hormones control us. 

I joke that I can always tell my time of the month is coming when I want to break up with Josh (meanwhile we've been dating for almost 2 years and I know he's who I want to spend my life with). 

I'm not going to say this isn't normal, because for many women it is! But it does create a strain on the relationship that isn't needed and that can be emotionally damaging for him. 

Other times I will lose it randomly on some poor sales clerk at the store because he didn't use all of my coupons. At the time I feel perfectly justified to be snarky with him, but afterward I always leave feeling like a crazed lunatic.

So the question is, what can we do about controlling our emotions and hormones? 

The Bible doesn't say much about hormones other than lustful desires; this can definitely be a struggle but right now I want to focus on what we as women can do during our raging hormones to keep our femininity in tact and avoid letting our inner beast rear its nasty head. 

The first and foremost should be to arm ourselves with scripture and preach it to ourselves when we know that we are being irrational (and if you say "Oh, I'm never irrational," just ask someone close to you about it and I'm sure they'll be able to point something out :)) 

But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires.

-Romans 13:14

This can apply to sexual desire, food cravings, caving into the need to tell the the clerk exactly what you're thinking when he messes something up, wanting to punch something when it doesn't go your way, and ultimately flopping on your bed in a puddle of tears out of frustration.

It's a desire to give in to the lies Satan wants us to believe. Were fat, the clerk is stupid, you need to be sexually attractive for a man to like you; it's just NOT true and hormones are the easiest way for satan to get to you. 

So here's the challenge: the next time you recognize a hormone fit coming on, stop for a moment and pray for God's help. It may seem silly, but when The Lord is called upon, he is faithful to answer. 

Finding freedom in an over sexualized age

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body."

-1 Corinthians 6:18 ESV


It's not and easy thing to talk about...
It may be an even harder thing to walk out...

Especially in an age where everything is so sexualized and a woman's self worth is commonly based on how many men she can catch. Yet it seems to be a fine line - according to worldly men, how many men is acceptable for a woman to have slept with before it becomes a deal breaker?

The correct answer should be 1. All it takes is one time to desensitize to the potency of saving sex for your husband. Too many times have I seen my own friends who have been raised in the ways of The Lord give it up before they are married and almost every time she feels like crap about herself afterward.

God doesn't care if you've just been on the first date or if you've been dating for years. The act is still the same. It doesn't glorify God, nor is it a testimony of trusting Him in your relationship. Saving sex is hard... And my parents were right, as you find the one that you are going to marry and realize it, it's even harder to wait.

When we choose as couples to give the struggle of sex over to God and ask him to help us with it, he is faithful. It's one step in drawing you and your significant other closer into The Lord while exploring the possibly of spending your lives together.

And isn't that verse from Corinthians amazingly convicting? By choosing to give up our virginity, we are giving away one of the most sacred, natural, gifts we have. Don't we want to make sure that who we are giving it to will value and appreciate it for the rest of their lives?

It's ok if you think I'm crazy and that it's old fashioned and can't be done in today's day and age, but I'm here to tell you that it can! I feel like I may be one of the only in my group of friends that is still a virgin, but you know what? I'm not ashamed of it like society tells me I should be, I'm proud because its how I choose to bring glory to God's name.

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying that you are a bad person if you've chosen not to wait. It is your decision and you have to do what you feel is right. You are a beautiful creation just the same!

However, If you are struggling with regret about your decision, I just want you to know that I am praying for you and that God is still in love with you even if you don't feel like he could be. Is it possible to take the act back? No. But you can spiritually "revirginize" as a part of the healing process. All it takes is a strong willpower and repentance.

I feel like victims of rape are a special case. You did not willingly choose to give it up, it was taken from you. My heart breaks for the women that this applies to. I pray for your healing regularly as it is something that is close to my heart.

Regardless of where you are in life or what circumstance you are in, god has given us this gift that we should use just as any other gift to glorify him. The use of it is just different if you're single as opposed to married.

Lets stick together though this hard time, girls! It's hard to go it alone but if you know there are other women struggling the same as you are it makes it a little easier.

Lastly, as a you g Christian woman it can be easy to feel condemnation about thoughts and feelings that may be lustful. Don't shame yourself for the feelings God has instilled in you!! They are a natural part of the way God made you to feel for your husband, so just prayerfully hand them over to Him as you wait to be married to your Prince Charming :)

Brought to the river

So my first reaction to breaking my foot is, "man are you serious?! I don't have time for this. What an inconvenience." Already picturing in my head the work that I wouldn't be able to do while I'm laid up... The amount of gas my boyfriend would spend this week because we wouldn't be able to split our 4 weekly 40 minute trips to each others houses. ... How bored I would be because I'm rarely home.

But you know, God really has a sense of humor. Here I am worrying about all the things I can't do while I am limited to a boot with crutches; meanwhile I should be taking this time to regroup and figure out why he has brought me to this trial. All of you that know me know how active I am and how much crutches limit me so surely there is a reason I've been brought to this. I am still praying to see what The Lord has for me in this season, but I'm very glad that blogging seems to be a part of it.

It might sound silly but God really does reveal himself to me through writing. And most of the time it's not until I look back on my posts a minute, day, month or even a year later. So this is what I am going to commit this time to. I am going to use it to retune my ears to hear that still small voice speaking to me. Maybe there were warning signs that I needed to slow down my life before this but in my rush to fit everything in I missed it. Nevertheless here I am now.