Catch Up

I've been so absent on here for the past year... Partially because I was planning a wedding and partially because I just felt like I didn't really have anything to say for fear of over sharing like my generation typically does. Then I was reminded of the unique perspective I've been given in this life and decided to start blogging again. Starting today. 

I'll start with a few catch up things first. I'm no longer engaged to be married. I broke it off about three months ago now due to some issues that were not resolvable in or relationship. I'm not going to use this as an opportunity to bash anyone or even really share what happened, but just know that now I am single. 

Over the course of my previous relationship I gained about 20 pounds back after having lost 80. Since breaking it off, I've adopted the low carb, high protein, high fat diet and have lost a TON of fat by inducing ketosis (and working out 5-6 nights per week). 

I also discovered this little thing called a foam roller... Friends, it has revolutionized my life! Get one, go on YouTube to learn how to use it, and roll away. You won't regret it. 

Starting back in February I signed with rue21 to model their plus-size line of clothing for eComm. (No, I am not technically plus-size, but they are branding their plus line to suit the curvy girl body). I will devote an entire post to this news since it has always been a dream of mine and I want to use it to inspire other women to stay strong on their fitness journey! I recently had the privilege to be a runway model in their back to school 2015 fashion show (which also has been a dream of mine)! 

Back at the start of the year a lot of people I spoke with said 2015 was going to be a great year for them. I agreed thinking I would be getting married back in April, but God had other plans for me and it has taken me until now to realize that 2015 won't be defined for me by a broken engagement, it will be defined as the year of positivite change in my life. The year I took the step from being a girl to a woman. And it's only june, so who knows what the rest of the year has in store for me?

Guilt Free Pancakes!

Yes, there really is such a thing and I figured out the recipe!! 

Ingredients:

1/2 cup almond flour

1/2 cup coconut flour

2/3 cup of any starch (corn, potato, tapioca)

2 tsp xanthan gum

1/2 cup powdered sugar or some form of sugar substitute

2 tsp bloomed chia seeds

2 Tbs ground flax seed

1 Tbs baking powder 

2 tsp baking soda 

1 tsp salt 

2 eggs 

1 Tbs vanilla extract 

3 Tbs melted coconut oil 

3-4 cups of any type of milk (I used skim bc that's what we had) 

What to do:

Because of the nature of the ingredients in this recipe it's really important to blend everything as follows...

1. Put the chia seeds in a cup and add about 1/4 cup of water. Set aside stirring occasionally to let the seeds bloom. 

2. In a large bowl, mix all dry ingredients including flax seeds. 

3. In small bowl mix wet ingredients except coconut oil. Add in bloomed chia seeds. 

4. Add wet ingredients to dry and after thoroughly mixing,  add coconut oil and stir until well blended. You may find that the mixture is a bit too thick for pancake batter consistency, so add a little milk as needed. 

5. Using a metal pan, spray with cooking spray and make sure to respray In between each pancake or they will stick to the pan and become a mess. Before you flip, you have to make sure you've lifted the entire pancake from the pan on all edges. 

6. Serve with a sprinkle of stevia or agave nectar and fresh fruit, and enjoy! 

Yields roughly 14 pancakes

Forget the Haters

There are very few things I like about Facebook anymore, but my daily "Huffington Post" articles is definitely one of them. It seems like every one has a unique and challenging thought or perspective on life. While some I don't personally agree with, there are definitely some I do... Like this one on running. http://thoughtcatalog.com/daniel-stevens/2014/08/why-i-hate-running/?utm_source=huffingtonpost.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange (Minus the explicative in the last paragraph). 

What really struck me about this article is when the man writing steps on a luggage scale at the airport. He realizes that if he had to pay for all the excess weight he carried in order to get his "luggage" on the plane, he couldn't afford it even if he sold everything he owned. I had never thought about excess weight in that way before but it's definitely an interesting way for the man to realize he wanted to make a change. 

At some point or another everyone on their fit journey comes to a place similar to this man's. While you may not have had such a dramatic realization, we each have a special point where we go back to mentally so we can remember why we even started diets and inflicting pain in the form of excercise on ourselves in the first place. It's important to remember it, so write it down (if you keep a fit or food journal, write it in the front so you can see the inspiration every day!) 

He goes on further to note that while on his first run, he received an onslaught of unwanted comments and sympathy from others in public. If you've ever excercised (namely, ran or have done other strenuous exercise) in public before you were in prime condition, you might be able to relate to how self conscious it can make you feel. It's hard enough to put those running shoes on and get out the door, then add on people making comments (to encourage or otherwise) meaning that you, in fact, are not actually invisible and that people really are watching you while you exercise. It makes it even harder! 

I ran the Pittsburgh Half Marathon this past May - my first ever race and first ever time running over 4 miles straight. I was anxious to go pick up my race packet at the Running Expo the day before the race, but put on my best athletic gear and headed in. As I walked past many of the booths a few guys stopped and made mention at how I had a "unique build for a runner" meaning I am not skinny and lean like your regular vision of a runner. One seemed like a genuine compliment but others were definitely filled with competitive sarcasm that I found to be really intimidating.

Of course I know that I don't look like a runner, I am 5'7" and have an athletic frame that was designed to hold muscle weight well above what my BMI tells me I should carry. Most days I am perfectly content with myself and my fitness level because I know I'm giving it my all during every daily workout, so I should have known better than to let stupid comments discourage me, but I did. My goal was to just finish the race and not be last - and I did! 

Something that fit people may not realize is that many people who work out and are in good shape can tend to come off as super arrogant about how far along they are and how they've risen up to what they consider to be "elite status." They can beat everyone at weight on their bars and numbers of reps and distance/elevation gains of runs. Yes, sometimes these people intimidate me, but ony because I allow them to. I let their need to feel important because they can beat me at certian areas of fitness to affect my view of myself and my fitness journey. Why?! I still don't know, but what I do know is that we shouldn't allow it to happen because each of our bodies are different and were made to be pushed in different ways. A basketball player probably isn't going to look like a prima ballerina, but if she wants to do ballet as an extracurricular, that should be okay! I am definitely preaching to the choir here and it's something I'm working on myself.

 If you are in the group of "elite fitness" athletes, I'm asking you on behalf of the "working my butt off but still not there yet" athletes to please not put down on us for not looking like you, not being able to go the same distance as you, or put up the same weight on the squat rack. I'm asking you to encourage us along our journies with a genuine heart because while fitness and athletics can be really competitive during a race or competition, everyone still has to train. (Cue "we all put our pants on the same way" cliche.) The beauty of fitness is that while it can unify people who love to exercise, it really comes down to individual performance. It's about how hard can I push MY body, and how can I beat MY best times and weights in order to become the best that I can be. 

Fitness junkies and dabblers unite! You can do whatever you put your mind to, ignore the haters and embrace positivity! Surround yourselves with a solid support system and you can get to where you want to be. Don't make excuses, don't let others get to you. I believe in you. 

My wonderful fiancé and I after I finished the race. It was a really emotional day because one of my personal fitness goals from the beginning of my journey was to run a half marathon. Josh has been so supportive of my goals and efforts to achieve them.

My family came out to support as well! They have been my motivators, encouragers, and my solid rock throughout my journey. It is so important to surround yourself with people who truly believe in you. It makes all the difference. :) 

Thoughts on "the most important thing"

Recently, an article went viral on the internet over at the True Love Dates Blog (http://truelovedates.com/sexual-purity-is-not-the-most-important-thing/) about sexual purity and it not defining who we are. As I read through it- with an open mind, because I love to challenge myself to try and see beliefs from other viewpoints- I was struck at how, though some of the information was solid, how much excuse making it seemed to make for believers who have chosen to give their sexual purity away. It is true that in the acceptance of Jesus Christ as our Lord and savior we no longer carry the burden of sin, and that when we accept him our slate has been wiped clean. He let's us start over fresh, knowing right from wrong he challenges us to live a life that would reflect how he would live... He lived a pure life.

I also agree that often in Christian dating purity can become the main focus in whether or not a suitor is considered "eligible" but why should it not be a main focus? God calls us to bring him honor and glory in the way we live our lives (that is the true number one thing) and he gives us sex as a way to do that in a dating relationship AND in a married relationship.

 Now hear me out on this one, it looks very different for both relationships. In a dating relationship we are called to bring honor to The Lord by abstaining from lusts of the flesh and by purposefully doing so, we can bring glory to The Lord in whom our satisfaction should rest. I hate the term "date Jesus first" but it's not far off. We should be so in love with The Lord and seeking to honor him that when the opportunity arises to pursue fleshly desires we are able to (together with our significant others) look to Him for help with abstainence. He WANTS us to ask him to help us in those situations and he WANTS us to OWN our purity because that is how we are called to bring him glory through sex in a dating relationship. 

I think too often Christians use loopholes as an excuse to go on doing what they want and know God will forgive them later. They know the grace of God but they continue on abusing it. If you have grown up in a Christian home, if you have grown up hearing the true gospel, if you know right from wrong according to the Bible, and you choose to continue in the same sin without trying to seek help, you are in a dangerous place. 

However, not all hope is lost if you have fallen into the trap of lies the world has provoked us with. You do not need to have sex to make your partner stay with you, you don't need it for self worth, you don't need it to empower you, you don't need huge sex appeal to attract someone, you don't need it to prove anything to anyone. The Lord graciously does forgive when we see the error in what we are doing, seek his face, and choose to repent. Not all hope is lost if you've already given it away because there is so much redemption and love waiting for you in the arms of God. It's not an easy task, and you have to be fully committed, but I believe that because our Lord is gracious and kind and forgiving that spiritually "revirginizing" is absolutely possible.  It is true you can never get your first time back, but in choosing to walk away from indulging in the lusts of our flesh it brings God so much joy that he will absolutely restore your peace and joy. It can be done, I have seen it happen, and truly it is one of the most beautiful things The Lord can do in a person. (It's so amazing to see The Lord work in people like this) But you have to bury yourself fully in the arms of our savior and find healing in Him. 

So in all, sexual purity might not be the ONLY important thing, but it's definitely a major subpoint under THE most important thing, which is striving to glorify The Lord in our lives. Dare to be different, rise above the pathetic norm our culture has created for the millennial generation. Prove to society that we will not allow satan to sneak into our beds while we sleep because we have the God of angel armies on our side protecting us, we just have to call them to action through prayer. 

The last thing I will leave you with is that this post is in no way, shape, or form intended to shame anyone or be judgemental. We all have sin in our lives that we should actively be seeking to strike out with God's help and our support systems. It is simply a challenge to my fellow believers to check on what you're doing because satan is getting sneakier and sneakier through our media and the internet. He is changing our world's entire belief system to directly go against what God has called us to in the Bible and is making it perfectly okay when it's not. What was once considered good is becoming bad, and what was considered bad is now becoming good. God's word has never changed throughout the generations, our purpose and his call on our lives has never once changed... Society has. It's not "old fashioned" to save sex for marriage, it's what God wants us to do. Don't let society tell you otherwise. 

Please Consider Helping the Beautiful Children of Northside

As many of you probably know, I have committed to two major things this spring, the first is running my first EVER half marathon which, on May 4th will be the longest distance I will have ever run to this point in my life. The second is raising money for the race in honor of a wonderful organization called Urban Impact. 

Urban Impact is so much more than your typical Non-Profit after school program. Here is a little bit more about their history and mission for Pittsburgh's Northside Community. 

"Urban Impact began as an outreach ministry of the Allegheny Center Alliance Church nearly two decades ago. Wanting to fully restore the lives of the people in the community, the church sought to have a bigger impact on its people. In 1995 Pastor Ed Glover formed Urban Impact as a separate entity in order to focus on practical aspects of community development while providing a spiritual base for the people of the North Side. In nearly two decades we have impacted thousands of children and youth from the North Side and over 50,000 young people nationally through Urban Impact’s various ministries and programs.

Our mission is to do our part in fulfilling Christ’s Great Commission on the North Side of Pittsburgh. By following His model of holistic ministry by investing in the lives of at-risk children, youth, and their families in order to develop mature, responsible followers of Christ." 

They offer performing arts classes, recreational sports in competitive Northside sports leagues, and after school homework help/tutoring in order to catch kids up to their grade level in school. I personally will be volunteering not only as a charity runner for their organization, but also will be helping coach a baseball team this spring in addition to participating as a tutor in the evenings . 

For years I have felt the tug on my heart to participate in missions work whether here in America or aroad in another country, but until now I haven't had such a clear picture of what that would look like for my life. Often my lack of faith for fundraising and asking people for money has stood in my way, and mostly it's been because I haven't found a cause that I one hundred percent felt called to participate in. Don't get me wrong, I do feel like there is a place for overseas missions work for certain people but never understood or felt right with the concept of doing a "mission-cation" in high school or college I guess because God has shown me the dire need our inner cities are in right here in America and right here in our beautiful city of Pittsburgh. 

With that being said, when the opportunity to run for Urban Impact presented itself while I was at dinner with a friend, I knew that was my calling to get involved. I have  volunteered through a church with Urban Impact before for their Christmas Dinner program and it truly was one of my most favorite moments in my spiritual journey. Asking for donations is a really hard thing for me to do, but I truly feel that The Lord has called me to fundraising this small amount as a way to not only help the children of northside, but also to stretch my faith as he shows me that raising money for missions can be done. 

My goal is $400 by March 31st, 2014, and while it seemed daunting at first, I know God is going to provide the funds as he sees fit for these beautiful children as he helps me physically become prepared for 13.1 miles of running- the most I've accomplished at one time to this point is about 6 miles, so 13.1 is a bit of a scary thought... but I know He wants me to do this, so please pray for spiritual AND physical strength in the upcoming weeks and that God would use this event in my life and in others to show how powerful he is.

All I ask is that you pray about possibly supporting the work of this organization by a small donation via my support page and also pray for continued faith as I train for the race. The money will go towards the organizations over all goal of $60k to help the troubled kids of Northside.  Overall, $400 is a small amount, but the work The Lord can do with this foundation is so much bigger, and I am so excited that I will get to be a part of it.  

Please join me in praying for this cause and that God's work would be done in northside. If you feel it in your heart to help support my run for charity please visit my fundraising page to submit your donation. Thank you so much in advance for your support and prayers!!

Link to my support page: 

https://www.kintera.org/faf/donorReg/donorPledge.asp?ievent=1083687&supId=401845498

When All You Can Do is Cry

My dear readers,  I am deeply sorry for my absence in posting. The past few months since Christmas have been a whirl wind of trying to find additional employment, finding it, and quitting because I did not feel comfortable with the family.

Then ultimately - this week - finding out that because I gracefully quit my employment with a family, they falsified claims against me to Care.com (the service I use to find nanny employment) and my profile has been permenantly terminated from the site. After calking the service and pleading my case, I got a lovely email that said, "this decision is final, under no circumstances will your profile be reinstated, nor will you be permitted to start a new one."

I have never felt so hurt or violated in my entire life.  I just can't possible begin to understand what sort of terrible person would even THINK to ruin a 22 year old's career as a nanny. All because I didn't want to do laundry or be subjected to numerous barating texts and emails every day and even on days where I wasn't working. I am not the quitting type - so you have to know that the sole reason for me terminating employment was due to severe anxiety it was causing... guess thats just part of the whole Generalized Anxiety Disorder I have. In addition, I could never support psychologically abusive parentig styles such as the ones that were bein practiced with this family. I'm not ashamed to say that I have cried numerous times over discovering that my profile has been eliminated - after all, I have done NOTHING wrong.  I could go back and go through every single moment spent at their home from beginnig to end and examine everything I have ever said, and I hsve done that... but I can't even pretend to find something that would be worth calling a service to report a nanny because she quit working for your family.  Its really pathetic and petty actually.  Especially since THEY sought me out on the service, I never even applied for the job.

I have gone through stages of rage and anger which I believe is righteous because I have definitely been wronged in this instance. As I continue to pray and seek the Lord to help me with this anger, its been really hard to not turn it on God and say "why would you do this to me? I adore children and I felt like this was my calling." But every time I seek him, he has something to say to me. This mornjng it was in the form of my devotional study...

"In Sorrow 

“If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there; if you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.” - Psalm 34:18, The MessageThere is a sacredness in mourning. There is a hallowed ground in the void that comes beyond suffering - in the place where we feel forgotten and afraid, where we are empty, spent, worn threadbare from the pain, where we feel the “No” still echoing through.There is a reckoning in sorrow. Whether we feel God’s presence envelop us whole or we feel desperately alone, there is an interaction with the Lord. We know He is there but the question is, How close? We know He brings good but we cannot see it yet, not in this.What does it mean to give thanks when we’ve lost what we could not bear to lose? What does gratitude look like in a heart that’s broken into a million jagged pieces? What do we thank God for then?There are the standard answers. We can look at other gifts in our lives, those things which we have not lost. We can thank God for what’s come before, the blessings in our past. We can thank Him for what’s still ahead, the blessings in our future. But sometimes our red, puffy eyes cannot see well enough for this. Sometimes all we know is what we feel. Sometimes all we can muster is simply to stand still.And did you know that that’s OK?Our God is not bound by conventional methods of thanksgiving.Gratitude can look like sitting in the sorrow for awhile, allowing the grief to burrow deep into the skin and become a part of us. Giving thanks can happen when we let ourselves feel every inch of the sadness, knowing that He feels it too.Christ’s fierce love for you is not quenched when sorrow steals your words or mourning silences your tongue. His flame for you only grows brighter in the darkness.Sisters, our Jesus mourns with us. He holds us near, even when we are too numb to feel it. We are free to weep, free to mourn, free to feel the loss. He feels it, too.We don’t have to explain it away. We don’t have to lean on clichés. We can lean on Jesus. He. is. right. there.Thank God for that."

So friends, please join me in praying for peace and also that this poor family would have their eyes opened to see that ruining a mere nanny's career may bring personal satisfaction in the present, but in the light of eternity,  their false claims would stand a CHANCE against my God, after all... you can't lie your way into heaven.

{Relationships} The 'Living-Together' Pandemic

My Great Aunt and Uncle on their 40th Wedding Anniversary!  Sticking together is something to be celebrated!!

With Josh and I having recently become engaged, I can't even begin to tell you how much advice we have received from people on how they would "do over" their experience and what, in their opinion, we should do during our pre-marriage days. One of the most common questions we have been asked besides "Have you set a date," has been "You guys are moving in together first, right?" 

In the very beginning stages of our dating relationship, Josh and I discussed what our intentions were (dating with the purpose of finding our life-partner/helpmate) and if we found that we were meant for each other, what the process would look like. We both agreed from day one (October 21, 2011) that we would choose to honor God with purity until our wedding night and that if it came to getting engaged and married that we would only move in together after we tied the knot. Our relationship is very modern in many ways, but for things pertaining to our faith and beliefs, I supposed we are what American's today would consider 'old-fashioned' and I am perfectly okay with that. 

It seems almost timely that an article on cohabiting before marriage posted on The New York Times Sunday Review has recently become viral. In this article, clinical psychologist, Meg Jay, catalogs the revolution of cohabitation before marriage and why it, often times leads to the demise of marriage. I sincerely encourage all of my readers to click the link and at least skim the article. It is from a secular perspective, but still presents the case for not moving in together.

She quotes a few studies that have been done on how this became the norm in America and what it means for the dynamic of American dating and marriage. One of the she wrote confirms something I have been saying for years about the American family changing because of the sexual revolution that occurred in the 1960's...

"Cohabitation in the United States has increased by more than 1,500 percent in the past half century. In 1960, about 450,000 unmarried couples lived together. Now the number is more than 7.5 million. The majority of young adults in their 20s will live with a romantic partner at least once, and more than half of all marriages will be preceded by cohabitation. This shift has been attributed to the sexual revolution and the availability of birth control, and in our current economy, sharing the bills makes cohabiting appealing. But when you talk to people in their 20s, you also hear about something else: cohabitation as prophylaxis."

 The acceptance of having sex before you get married is what has made prophylaxis an issue in the first place; it doesn't help that having 'up to seven sexual partners in your lifetime' is being advocated by pediatricians. Yes, I love my old pediatrician, but I cringed when we began these routine talks at my annual check-ups once I turned fifteen.  She was proud of my decision for abstinence, but assured me that my thoughts would change when I got a boyfriend. They didn't!  And actually, if anything, it made me more committed to my decision to wait. You don't have to worry about disease prevention if you aren't sexually active!!!

Many people also think that it is a necessity for a couple to live together before they get married so they can do a 'test-drive' before they get make a commitment to get hitched. When Meg asked one of her clients how she and her significant other ended up moving in together, she mentioned that "it just happened." When couples are having sex before they get married and are spending multiple nights per week at the house of their partner, the case for moving in to save money on rent and bills arises. Meg attributes this transition to a term called 'sliding-not-deciding.'

The danger with this is that when moving in together just happens, it jumps the gun for the natural stages of progression for relationships and many issues that should have been addressed first are swept under the rug. The predicament that moving in with a partner causes is the inability to walk away if you realize you aren't meant for each other; each person is dependent upon the other for a place to eat, sleep, and live. Eventually, they you get comfortable enough with each other that you decide to take the next step of getting married and quite often realize years (sometimes only months!) later that you are just really great coed roommates.

And America wonders why the divorce rate is said to be around 55%.

With everyone trying to jam their ideas down the throats of newly-engaged, it's really good to know the reasons behind the decisions you and your man have chosen to walk out your relationship the way you have. Not that everyone deserves to know every knitty-gritty detail, but just do that you can continue to honor God with your relationship. It really can help others when you choose to stay strong and not let the temptations of the world get to you. By choosing to stay pure and also to not move in together before marriage, you are telling the world that you hold the Biblical example of marriage sacred and dear and that you respect each other and GODS WORD enough to go against societal norms. It's just another way to use the pre-marriage stage of your relationship to reflect God's work in your life, and it definitely makes Him smile :)